Some days are better than others

Yesterday was worse than most. I'm a big proponent of preventive medical care. I have always been one to encourage the women in my life to get their annual "well-woman" exams, to practice safer sex, to get tested when they don't. I encourage my friends to take their health care into their own hands, to own the process, to care for yourself as you would care for your children or your loved ones. I am not the best at follow-through myself, but I have been having fairly regular well-woman exams since I was 18 years old. I should have started sooner, but I didn't. I have always been one to participate actively in my medical care, to ask questions, to give information, to be open and honest about my expectations. I have recently switched jobs and therefore, switched health insurance. I decided to take advantage of the switching momentum and try a new doctor.
I have had a rocky history with doctors since I have moved to Fort Worth 4 1/2 years ago. The first doctor I visited refused to refill my prescription for antidepressants without me getting a psychiatric consult, which consisted of a $50 visit to a psychiatrist who read the form I filled out regarding my mental health and sat with me in her office for a total of 2 minutes before scribbling jibberish on a prescription pad. The next doctor I visited refused to sign a piece of paper for a sperm bank stating that she had conducted a pap smear on me in the last year, which she had. She referred me to a gynecologist, who said that she couldn't sign the piece of paper because my partner and I were planning on using sperm for an at-home insemination, instead of going through her office. She referred me to a fertility specialist who told me at my first visit that she didn't work with same-sex couples. Had I come in alone would she have helped me?
I then started visiting a D.O. (doctor of osteopathy) who akid fondly refers to as the "ouija board doctor."She's a bit on the flaky side, but I was okay with that because she herself was a lesbian and so I didn't anticipate any unspoken or latent homophobia. However, every time I ever visited her office, I ended up with so many supplements I needed to take vacation time from work to squeeze in the time to take them all and I always waited several hours in her office before getting to actually see her. So I thought I might try for something better. So yesterday I went for my first visit to the new doctor. It didn't go so well. She had a lousy bedside manner and I left her office feeling like a complete pariah, but not before having the worst pap smear of my life. She put off all kind of unspoken homophobic vibes, the most obvious of which was her ending her medical history interview before it ever even started when I told her that I had had a miscarriage after my girlfriend and I had been trying to get pregnant through artificial insemination.
Why I stayed for the pap smear after that is anyone’s guess.
It was a depressing and discouraging day for me. I spent the better part of last night crying out my anger and frustration over the way I was treated and the lack of recourse and the realization that I am going to have to do it all over again if I want to ever find a doctor that cares for my health with respect and dignity.
That sucks.
I am fantasizing about setting up a website for queer folks to refer eachother to good openminded safe businesses (whether it be doctors, masseuses, hair stylists, therapists or taxi services) and to warn eachother about the bad ones. But it’s technologically beyond me.
I wish there was a way to screen my next doctor and I have been playing out the conversation in my head when I call to make the appointment . . .
“Is Dr. X seeing new patients?”
“Yes”
“Does she ever see gay people?”
Or
“Is she okay with gay people?”
Or
“Is she going to give me grief about being gay?”
The good news is today is a much better day. I went to the dentist, where I had my tooth drilled on for the better part of an hour only to discover that it wasn’t strong enough to hold a filling and that I would have to come back in two weeks for a crown. This prospect is much more appealing to me than ever seeing yesterday’s doctor again. I will happily be going to the dentist. It’s all about perspective.