Why I will continue to paint the entire experience with one tarred feather . . .
flying sucks because:
1. i don't have the money to fly first class
2. the seats where the rest of us have to sit are too small
3. my legs always fall asleep
4. they quit giving out peanuts and i don't really like pretzels
5. i don't like the way my ears and stomach feel on ascent or descent
6. because i never fly anywhere too far away, it feels like i spend most of the time on the plane
in ascent or descent, when my ears and stomach are unhappy.7. i haven't ever been seated next to a stranger i wanted to talk with (nor have i ever enjoyed talking with the stranger i have been seated next to, unlike other more friendly members of my family)
8. I can't ever fall asleep on a plane (to pass the time more quickly or less sentiently) because the seats are too small and i can't stand for my head to bounce around on my neck. and those stupid neck rings don't work either
9. airplanes are stuffy
10. airplanes smell bad
i think 10 reasons is enough. this doesn't mean i won't fly again. but it does mean that i will probably continue to not enjoy flying.now if emilio was waiting for me at baggage claim, or case, or cookie, or a corndog from the minnesota state fair . . . perhaps i would more quickly forget the unpleasantness of flying.
8 comments:
Now you know why I used to "jump" out of them.
I DO know why you used to jump out of them, and it's not because the seats were too small. it's because you're a loco gringo.
And there were no MF..ing snakes on the MF..ing C-130s'
Speaking of Snakes on planes, R and I went to see the movie and I laughed my a.. off. Three or four times I was laughing so hard my stomach was hurting.
Course in "The Green Mile" when the guy's head caught on fire, I was the only one in the theatre that was laughing hysterically. Everybody else was moaning and gasping.
If you want a short retreat from the world and need some mindless entertainment,go see it, the Snakeshisssssssssssssssssssssssss on the plane.
loco gringo
Ditto on 1, 2, 4, 7 and 8--especially the bit about the neck rings not working. What a rip-off those things are!
Snakes on a Plane? Na. I'm more tempted by Talladega Nights. I am not a Samuel Jackson fan, although I liked Pulp Fiction and him in it.
I echo 1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 10; and I hope never to fly AirTran again, either. I always think the people in (1) really feel superior as they watch all the rest of us pass by (not that I care).
Sometime, you guys just must accompany the gringo to a funny movie - I'll always go with him, even if I wouldn't find a single out-loud laugh in the whole movie, just to be with him. In Snakes, he collapsed onto my lap 3 times, just a hoot. I, too, liked the movie - I like Sam Jackson a lot, something about the tenor of his voice.
I just looked up Talladega Nights on the IMDb site. I have NEVER seen a movie with Will Farrell in it that I liked even a little bit. I guess he's my Keifer Sutherland.
I went to see Bus Stop (live at TCU) with a date and was smbarassed to be the only one in the audience to laugh at the line of the prostitute, "I wish he'd quit calling me cherry. It's embarassing." The date wanted me to explain what was so funny. No, I never married that one - thought about it . . .
Remember, you can learn to like (endure) anything. Snakes eat rats. Airplanes prevent longer and longer auto and boat trips. The best way to manage take off and landing is to have someone younger than you who needs reassuring and give it to them. Then you ignore what's going on.
I had a student who asked me to read The Green Mile aloud to him back before it became a movie. I did so every morning for a week or so - just up the finding the black man with the dead child (children?). I told the kids I was not going to censor the text because I wasn't THAT creative with foul language and it went better when I didn't try to substitute words. So, I read aloud wordy dirds and horrible acts until I finally told the kid to check it out on audio from the public library, I had had enough. Pity, I haven't gone back and read the book or seen the movie (I like and respect Tom Hanks way better than Depp, whom I admit drooling over). I even liked Turner and Hooch - good for a romp and a laugh if you need one - hero dog helps cop become human.
I love you very much.
Traveling eith David has taught me some things. Airplane attendants change their treatment of you as soon as they see your platinum tags on your luggage, but until them you're often just travel scum. I don't think all of them see it that way, but many attendants, ticketing agents, hotel clerks, and first class passengers see it that way - you pay for the extra service. I like first class food, but have you ever been served the same meal 5 times in 4 days? And chicken at that? Even creative and decent food gets boring pretty quick. The perks are nice, but having your mate travel 1/3 of the year to earn the miles to trade in and then go on a working vacation is the pits.
Please don't call out the riot squad - my mother is 100 miles away clutching her collar uneasily and not knowing why - her 50 year old child just finally said a thing was BORING.
Thanks for the analysis mi tia. I will quit wearing my "trailer trash" T-shirt and start wearing a T-shirt or jacket with their union symbol on it.
Psygods rule!
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